Heartless Tart

Do you play...croquet?

Get to the part where I lose my temper!

OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!

Is it a wonder all her subjects run and hide at her approach? It's a good thing her distinct shrill announces her a full 5 minutes prior to her arrival! She's been called a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant and by a little snot-nosed, doe-eyed, blonde snip of a girl, no less! But us Mean Girls know that she's just a bit misunderstood. You'd be in a persistent bad mood too, wouldn't you? Wonderland my ass!

And so it goes with the August installment of the Mean Girls Yarn Club. Yeah, I know this post is coming WAAAAY late. So what? It's my blog, and if I wanna be late, I'll damned well be late! Lazy? Who said that??? OFF WITH HER HEAD!!! Oh...

Anyway...

August's installment was brought to you by the brilliant, talented and most awesome dyers at Dizzy Blonde Studios...ahem...wha? and the Queen of Hearts in all her primary glory:

Also in this installment was my first attempt at making something nomably heart-shaped out of sugar, with varying success. Blast you cursed sun and heat and unforseen meltiness of not-quite-cooked-long-enough sugar!!! When made, they looked awesome, but it went out with a disclaimer stating that one should not clamp both sets of teeth around it at the same time, unless they WANTED their jaw glued shut for several hours. Back to the drawing board for this amateur candy-maker!

But best of all, the "something extra" included the brilliant awesomeness that are 5ElementKnitr, clever inventions: the Stitch Savers customized just for the MGYC! Some of us lucky hoars *COUGHknottyandsharkyCOUGH* got a second, personalized one. And let me tell you, you definitely need more than one, especially us project floozies, who MUST have every knitting bag filled with some knit project or another. To be safe, you should have one of these little miracles in each of your knitting bags. So if the MGYC stitch save is the only one you've got, better rush your ass on over to her etsy store and order up a few more!

Stay tuned! Maybe I'll get to posting about October's installment come New Years!

June Gloom

photo couresy of KnitSteph

"Aunt Sarah has not one, but two wicked pussies. They wreak havoc wherever they go, they take what they want and give nothing back. And they do it all while singing? Who better to use the title Mean Girl than the milk stealing, home-wrecking, dog muzzling baddies, Si & Am?"

Who better indeed? What a way to kick off a yarn club! Wanna see the whole package?

Not only did our club members receive the gorgeous yarn based on the naughty pussies, they also received a MGYC-themed stitch marker, a hand-made needle holder courtesy of Mel at Urban Legends, and a delicious hand-made nom, courtesy of Raveler, Hsulli.

So, what will August's installment hold for our club members? They won't have long to wait! Feel free to speculate!

Knot Another Word...

KnottyLa's villainy began at an early age. As a child she would creep into her brothers' room and implant suggestions while they slept. Suggestions like "you will fear your sister and do her bidding" "you will worship your sister and cater to her every whim" "Speed Racer sucks. You would rather watch Little House on the Prairie because they named the lead character after your sister" and "you are a cute little bunny and LOVE carrots". Now, not being one to boast about her accomplishment, nor admit her failures, she would never tell you if her nocturnal manipulations ever took or not, but she would go as far as to suggest that all three of her brothers have excellent eyesight, and they tan very nicely.

While in her pre-teens, she came to the realization that doing all the work of her villainy was boring and time consuming, not to mention physically taxing. So she tortured enlisted her brothers as her henchmen, all without them knowing it. She always pitted the two against the third in her clever knavery. To this day, her minions, not unlike the Sith, always number two. No more, no less.

Her plan was going splendidly!

In high school, though she always auditioned for the lead, she was always cast..yep you guessed it...the villain. Sophomore year she went out for Cinderella, and was cast The Evil Stepmother. As a Junior she auditioned for Eliza Doolittle, and was cast as, well...Eliza Doolittle (there's no real villain in My Fair Lady). And as a Senior, Grease WAS the word, and La was Rizzo.

Once she became an adult, she realized that her wickedness must be subdued, else she could not function in society. So she did her patriotic duty and enlisted in the military, which was an excellent outlet for her. It provided a means in which to plot and stratregize, utilizing her excellent problem creating-then-solving skills while feeding her need for adventure and excitement, and she quite excelled.

However, La may, from time to time, when faced with "breaking in" a just-out-of OTC, barely wet behind the ears butterbar noob in the form of a fresh-faced 2nd Lieutenant, have been known to send said noob to base supply for a yard of flight-line, or to AGE to get an electronic pallet stretcher. Ahem...

Not all was smooth sailing on La's road to world domination. A few years back, Momoze, one of her 2 beloved feline minions, deserted her by succumbing to cancer. And since La must have 2 minions for her evil plan to work, all of her villainous activities ceased until she could find a new one. And Momoze, in his infinite wickedness, send her a dog as his replacement. A DOG! What good is a dog at evilness. I'll tell you...NONE WHATSOEVER. They're so honest and loyal and good-two-shoes, it made her sick. Nope. No 4-legged henchmen could ever aspired to the nefarious underhandedness as that of the feline persuasion. Besides, the lack of opposable thumbs had become quite a hindrance.

La wasn't born evil, you know...just merely wicked. However, it was the introduction novelty yarn to her life that made her truly evil. Now, she is completely merciless. While entertaining her remaining long-suffering cat with a laser pointer, instead of putting the "light of all amusement" away under a chair or behind a door, she just makes it vanish into thin air, perplexing poor tortured feline endlessly. Sassy has been known to search for her beloved light for hours afterwards. And it only gets uglier from there.

With maturity came subtlety and her desire for world domination. When no one's looking, she'll rough up the funfur in the bigbox stores, and then just leave it there for some other unsuspecting knitter to deal with. At her LYS, she's been known to take all but 1 ball of a dyelot even if she didn't need all of them.

And now...NOW she taunts unsuspecting knitters with beautiful yarns, and then updates her shops so infrequently and with such a paltry amount of yarn, that only the quickest, strongest and most determined survive the feeding frenzy. She is a master of misdirection. She mixes addictive substances into her dyes and creates colorways that visually addict her customers to her yarns, all the while distracting them from her true intent with witty banter, amusing anectdotes and biting snark. She and her two magnificent, malevolent minions have set the fiber world (excuse the pun) a-spinning, and they don't even know it...


Mwah-hahaha...Mwahahaha....Mwah-HAhahahahaaaaaa!!!!!

...oh

Yeah, KnottyLa? She's mean...and she puts colored water onto bits of string...

Sharkspeak

So, I thought it would be fun to tell you all a little about ourselves. Since I'm a mean girl and gave her no choice, I made Sharky go first, cuz that's just the way I roll. Here's what she had to say for herself:

I was born in the wagon of a traveling show, mama used to dance for the money they’d throw. I dye yarn and sell it because selling crack is illegal, also I’m less likely to get shot. I like to dye interesting color combinations. I don’t dye colorways too many times because I get bored with doing the same colors over and over. I like to try different color combinations to see if they will work.

I’m really bad at talking about myself. I’m just very normal and very boring. If I were a state I’d be Connecticut. I’m kind of like a work meeting, except with good donuts. They’re a little stale but hey, it’s donuts. None of my sentences seem to be related. I hope you like my yarn. Also, Anne says I should mention that I live in the only city in America that uses a restored brothel as a visitors center. That says something about me.

Love, Bobbie

So what is she? Gypsy, Tramp or Thief? I'll let you decide!

Sold Out

Thank you all for such a wonderful response. We have sold out of memberships, but there is will be a waiting list. Please email me at LauraMartos(at)sbcglobal(dot)net to be added. And, if the owner of the comment left by "Anonymous" would please stand up, I will make sure yours is the first name on it

Thank you again!

Oh, and for those of you who do Ravelry, come join the Mean Girls Yarn Club Group!

Sign ups are Open!

Okay, so here's how it's gonna work. There are 2 buttons below for the 2 different payment options. As you are checking out, make sure that your CORRECT MAILING ADDRESS is listed. If, for any reason you encounter technical difficulties...now I'm not talking OPERATOR ERROR, but true, honest-to-dog technical difficulties (my greatest fear at this particular moment) IM, DM, PM, or email KnottyLa immediately.

I have set this to cut you off at a certain number. If paypal won't let you sign up, don't worry, I may have to adjust the numbers a little bit. Just keep trying until I tell you otherwise here in the blog.

Good luck! This is gonna be so much fun!!!!

What's The Alternative...

...to sitting there mashing your F5 button to refresh this site in hopes that we'll slip in the sign-up buttons early? Or in other words, how's about an alternative to your lesson in futility, huh?

Here's a list:

1. Go take a shower, wash the dishes, clean the house, make supper, walk your dog, play with your kids, and get some sunshine. Step away from the computer fer cryin' out loud.

2. Get you a little bow-chicka-bow-bow, cuz tomorrow you'll be glued to your computers. You'll thank me for that, and so will your SO.

~~Honestly, the sign-ups won't happen until tomorrow, I SWEAR!~~

3. Check to make sure your correct and current mailing address is listed at your paypal account. These are the addresses we'll be shipping your yarn to.

4. Save one of the official MGYC buttons over there on the right and upload it onto your blog/social networking/Ravalry "About Me" sites and pages.

5. Vote in our poll in the sidebar. Who do you think the first installment will be?

6. You have the yarn specs. Go thumb through your back issues of knitting magazine, rummage through your knitting books or troll Ravelry or your other favorite sites for pattern ideas. And in case you have a problem with your short-term memory...

Sharky's Yarn Specs:
100% Merino Superwash Sock
440 yards/402 meters; 3 oz./85 g.
6-8 spi on US size 2-4

Knotty's Yarn Specs
100% Merino Superwash Sock
560 yards/512 meters; 4 oz./115 g.
8-10 spi on US size 0-2

The shipments will go out as follows:

June - Sharky
August - Knotty
October - Sharky
December - Knotty
February - Sharky
April - Knotty

5. Familiarize yourself with the rules of the club:

• First shipment goes out in June.
• Shipments will go out every other month for 1 year.
• The cost: $150 for the entire year, payable either in 1 lump sum, or in three $50 installments. This includes shipping.
• There will not be any additional charge for shipping to overseas members, unless we have quite a few.
• Sharky and Knotty shall be the only ones to determine exactly what "quite a few" is.
• Canadian and Mexican members shall be considered "Accented Domestic Members".
• Membership will be limited to 50 people.
• The colorways are to be club exclusives. Never to be sold by us. And it’s all super secret until you get your installment. And it will remain super secret for no less than 2 weeks after the shipments are sent. NO SPOILERS ALLOWED!
• There will be a waiting list for those of you too slow on the uptake/with the clicky finger.
  
• For those members who choose the payment plan, members will make their initial payment when they sign up, and then be billed in August and again in December for the remaining balance.
  
• If members choosing the payment plan become delinquent in payment, their membership shall be forfeit if their account becomes 30-days past due, and the remainder of their membership will be offered to the next person on the waiting list.
• IF for whatever lame reason, you are displeased with your yarn, (and we don't see why you would be. This is the MGYC, it's implied that you get what you get and you like it) anyhow... if for some reason you and your colorway aren't getting along, just follow these simple rules...

1. First and foremost...NO WANKING ALLOWED!
2. Email either Bobbie or me, and in 50 words or less inform us of your decision.
   
3. We'll put the word out to your fellow members that there's an unloved ABUSED skein of MGYC yarn out there in need of a good home.
4. We'll put the abandoner/adopter in touch with each other, and you all can iron out all the payment/shipping details to your little black hearts' content.
5. If, in the unlikely event that no one wants your castoff, you can do with it what you will, but only after 6 months.
6. If all else fails, see rule #1.

Now, scoot, all of you. See you all here sometime tomorrow!

Save The Date

That's when sign-ups begin! Have your credit cards ready!


Oh, and here: To prove we're not entirely mean, we've made you something.



Help yourselves! Feel free to put them on your blog, in your Ravelry...wherever you'd like, just remember, no stealing our bandwidth!

And, some of you have have been astute enough to notice that we've got a little poll going on over there to the right. For those of you who haven't, guess what? WE'VE GOT A POLL GOING ON OVER THERE TO THE RIGHT! Go vote. I have, so you know that at least ONE of the answers is the correct one.

Details, Schmetails

So you all want more info on the yarn club, do ya? Well tough! You can just sit there and ponder like the rest of humanity. And when you've guessed wrong, guess what? I don't wanna hear a peep! No running over to the Big 6 on Ravelry and raising a fuss on how disappointed you are because The Mean Girls Yarn Club didn't meet your expectations.

Well, what did you expect? WE'RE MEAN! Duh! You're just gonna have to sit there in your big girl panties and take it, and you're gonna like it, want to know why? Huh, how does it feel to want? Hello...Mean Girls Yarn Club. I think that sums it up.

First, I'll answer questions from the comment section:

1. Michelle:
Q. Who did the house REALLY fall on? Will the club answer that question?
A. Yes. Your mom

2. Blogless Weebil (What's up with that?)
Q. What? No rules about trading/selling/ebaying? Or is it just assumed that your clubmates in MGYC will put a hit out on you if you try to do anything of the sort? Because we will, you know.
A. Let me introduce you to Guido & Luigi. They're here to ensure that yooz guys don't even THINK about it.

The solution is very easy. IF a colorway isn't for you (and we don't see why it wouldn't. This is the MGYC, it's implied that you get what you get and you like it), anyhow... if for some reason you and your colorway aren't getting along, just follow these simple rules...

1. First and foremost...NO WANKING ALLOWED!
2. Email either Bobbie or me, and in 50 words or less inform us of your decision.
   
3. We'll put the word out to your fellow members that there's an unwanted, unloved skein, ABUSED skein of MGYC yarn out there in need of a good home.
4. We'll put the abandoner/adopter in touch with each other, and you all can iron out all the payment/shipping details to your little black hearts' content.
5. If, in the unlikely event that no one wants your castoff, you can do with it what you will, but only after 6 months.
6. If all else fails, see rule #1.
   

3. KittyRiver (another blogless wonder, WTF?)
Q. Any ideas on yarn weight?
A. Yeah, it weighs about as much as a skein of yarn...duh!

Sharky's Yarn Specs:
100% Merino Superwash Sock
440 yards/402 meters; 3 oz./85 g.
6-8 spi on US size 2-4

Knotty's Yarn Specs
100% Merino Superwash Sock
560 yards/512 meters; 4 oz./115 g.
8-10 spi on US size 0-2

The shipments will go out as follows:

June - Sharky
August - Knotty
October - Sharky
December - Knotty
February - Sharky
April - Knotty

And now from the forum boards:

1. Xen
Q. Will you be doing international shipments, and if so, how much would they be?
A. For all you international hoars (besides Canadian hoars, that is), PM, PP, DM or email Bobbie or me immediately. Basically, we're thinking of a number. If there are less of you than that number, there will be no extra shipping. However, if there are more of you than the number, there will be a small additional shipping charge added on to your membership..

Further clarification before you nice Canadians get your panties in a twist. No, we are not excluding you, though, we should on principal...cuz, you know, you're an entire NATION OF NICE. But no, we're making an exception, hoping that you all can tap your inner Mean Girl, and indulge her from time to time. We just don't consider you "international", so yes, Canadians can join, and no, it won't cost you hoars extra. Same goes for anyone living in Mexico.

2. Mehitabel
Q. And are you going to do the signups when I’m out of town and away from my computer??
A. Well, duh. Of course we are! First week of April...or perhaps the second...depending on how lazy and mean I am then. Even thought we should, we're not gonna go all Loopy or Sundara on you. We will give you all ample warning of at least, oh, an hour.

Any other questions? Good! I didn't think so.

Hello Everyone!

Dizzy Blonde Studios, in cooperation with House of Awesome is pleased to announce their very first yarn club...The Mean Girls Yarn Club. Well, you probably already knew the name of it, since it's the title of this blog. But I feel like being redundant, and since I'm mean, what I say, goes.

Feel like getting in touch with your inner Meanie? Do you want to consider yourself and elitest bitch and finally have a taste of what you've been missing by being a namby-pamby, rational, reasonable, nice girl? Well, tough!

Okay, just joking. Here are most of the details:

• Sign-ups begin the first week of April
• First shipment goes out in June
• Shipments will go out every other month for 1 year
• The cost: $150 for the entire year, payable either in 1 lump sum, or in three $50 installments. This includes shipping.
  
• Membership will be limited to 50 people.
• The colorways are to be club exclusives. Never to be sold by us. And it’s all super secret until you get your installment.
• Feel free to guess to your black heart’s contents. There’s actually a theme within the theme.
• Each skein will come with a little something COLLECTIBLE attached to the band.

Well, alright, so "pleased" doesn't really begin to cover how excited we are to be collaborating on this project. We've got all sorts of bits of fun in the works, so, for the latest in the breaking details check early, check often.