MGYC Ep. IV (I): The Manhoar Menace

Membership will soon open for  a new year of the Mean Girls Yarn Club. Please read carefully as there have been a few changes from last year. Minor ones, but we like to keep you on your toes.

Sign-ups open on sometime on July 3, 2012 here at Mean Girls Yarn Club blog. This should give you plenty of time to exercise your clicky finger.

The rules remain pretty much the same as last year so you repeat offenders errr....members should know them by heart. However, I'll repeat them here for the newbies:

The Roolz.

• The cost: $165 for the entire year, payable either in 1 lump sum, or in three $55 installments. This includes priority shipping for domestic members, and ground shipping for international members.  Unfortunately the USPS, Gas Company, Edison, water company and the Mill from which I get my yarn have all raised their prices (greedy hoars), so I have been forced to do the same...at knifepoint...HONEST!  If I weren't so mean, I would apologize for this small price hike.  But I am, so I'm not.
• First shipment goes out in September, 2012. Shipments will go out every other month for 1 year.
• For those members who choose the payment plan, members will make their initial payment when they sign up, and then be billed the final payments in November and again in March for the remaining balance. Please note, these payments are 4 months apart.
• In the last 2 episodes we have included an exclusive knit pattern as part of an installment that is delivered digitally, either through Ravelry or, lacking that, through email.  Please make sure that I have both on file for you.  The easiest way to do this is to include it in the "notes" section of the Paypal invoice when you sign up.
• The colorways are to be club exclusives. It’s all super secret until you get your installment. It will remain super secret for no less than 2 weeks after the shipments are sent. Please, no spoilers! 
  
• If members choosing the payment plan become delinquent in payment, their membership shall be forfeit if their account becomes 30-days past due, and the remainder of their membership will be offered to the next person on the waiting list.
• If you opt for the payment plan, and find you need to cancel your membership, feel free to notify me privately. I will not bite your head off…well, maybe just a nibble.
• It is the member’s responsibility to notify me if their desired mailing and/or email address differs from the one listed in Paypal. It is also the member’s responsibility to notify me in a timely manner if their address changes. If I wanted to I could read your minds, but I prefer to use my evil powers for, well…evil.
• IF for whatever lame reason, you are displeased with your yarn, (and we don’t see why you would be. This is the MGYC, it’s implied that you get what you get and you like it) anyhow… if for some reason you and your colorway aren’t getting along, just follow these simple rules…

1. First and foremost…NO WANKING ALLOWED!
2. Email La and in 50 words or less inform us of your decision.
3. We’ll put the word out to your fellow members that there’s an unloved, neglected, ABUSED skein of MGYC yarn out there in need of a good home.
4. We’ll put the abandoner/adopter in touch with each other, and you all can iron out all the payment/shipping details to your little black hearts’ content.
5. If, in the unlikely event that no one wants your castoff, you can do with it what you will, but only after 6 months.
6. If all else fails, see rule #1.

So, mark your calendars for July, bookmark this webpage, subscribe to this blog, go join the Ravelry Group and get your clicky finger into shape!

Bay of Pigs

In true Mean Girl fashion, I went old-school on all y'all, and found a truly tyrannical 80s style Mean Girl for this installment. Hell, some of you weren't even born yet, and probably most of you were still in diapers when Willow made it's theatrical debut in 1988. Ah!!!!! The gold old days...of course, I wasn't much older than most of you, I've just got one hell of a memory...ahem.

Anyway...

Queen Bavmorda rules from her fortress of Nockmaar with an iron fist. She imprisons all the mothers-to-be in her deepest, darkest most squalid dungeons. She hunts children with ferocious dog-beasts. She turns entire armies into bacon-on-the-hoof, and she has no qualms in destroying any and all who get in her way...even her own flesh and blood. In a word? She's magnificent!

But enough about her, let's move on to the loot, shall we?   Oooooooh!  Aaaaaaaaah!

The Collective

Reversible Project Bag Swag

The projects bags come from the evil genius that is Olivia Knits Designs. She's just updated her store, so in true Mean Girl fashion, you all should run on over there and buy up all her inventory! Okay, I'll admit, I'm sending you over there because they're so cute and adorable and if I have to look at them any more I think I'm gonna be sick. So, you'll actually be doing me a favor, really.

Army of Pigs Nom

The nom is from my own kitchen and is poison-flavored disguised as either salt water taffy or grapefruit. Be thankful that they're not maple-syrup and bacon noms. Yes, I was sorely tempted, but figuring that some of you might be Kosher hoars, I controlled myself.  Must have been a moment of weakness.  Bah!

 Stitch Marker Insert

 

 This installment's stitch marker is a little porker flanked by 2 hematite beads.  Yup, we're all going to the pigs...even the brownies. (watch the movie if you don't get the reference).

Queen Bavmorda:  The Yarn Years

 Now the yarn is super special yarn from Anne-Marie MacKay aka ColoUrplay Fibers. What makes it so super special? It knits itself! All you have to do is show it the pattern and voila! Eet Eez Kneeted. No? Not buying it for a minute? Sheesh! Okay, the specialness is that it is a yummy merino/cashmere blend in gorgeous russets, rusts and grays.
 

Now give me the yarn back or the baybeh gets it!

Dang, if you all thought figuring out the mean girl in THIS installment was tough, I'm afraid of your reaction to the next and final installment in the Mean Girls Yarn Club, Episode 2: Mean Girls Strike Back!

I'm a Meany Girl, in a Meany World.

Boo!

Where you scared? Well? Were you?

You should have been, that's one mean looking mascot we've got going on here. But you see, there is a problem with our poster child. She doesn't have a name and that makes her a sad MeanGirl Mascot. As you should know, sad MeanGirl Mascots are unstable MeanGirl Mascots and they might do things like eat yarn.

What? It could happen. I'm sure I read about something similar in the National Yarnquirer.

Anyway, while our Beloved Dyer is off galivanting, I, Adminion Tareshen, have a task for you.

Your task, should you decide to accept it, is to name our darling MeanGirl Mascot. This will require you to outwit, outthink and outmean the competition. As always, should you or any other of the Mean Girls win this competition, the Beloved Dyer will possibly send you a prize. Or send your yarn to me.

This post will self-destruct in...5...4...3...2...

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Yeah, I was pulling your leg there.

Ok, you have your assignment. Only ideas left in the comments will be considered for this competition. This contest is only open to legal residents of MeanWorld. Employees, Adminions, and family members of Beloved Dyer are not eligible for prizes.

Wait, crap, I just disqualified myself, didn't I? I should win something for Outstanding Self-Meaness in a Blog Setting. *sigh*

Alright, there you go and get going. I'm anxious to see the results.

Reports from the Front.

Hello? *tap tap* Is this thing on?

Oh hello there, Minion Tareshen reporting in from the front, and by front, I mean parked by my mailbox, stalking the mailman.

Since I'm watching my mailbox like a hawk and totally neglecting things like housework, feeding the ravening hordes, and on occasion, showering, I've had some time to think. Which leads me to two main thoughts :

1.) Where is my yarn? I mean, seriously. I've paid for it and now I'm being stood up? Someone hold me while I go and publicly post my angst.

2.) What is the theme for this go around? What Showcase of Strumpets will be inflicted on us this time? Since I'm sure you're all just as curious as I am, let's make a deal. You give me your best guess here in the comments and then I'll use the Random Number Generator and a couple of your lucky hoars might get a prize. Or we just might play this true Mean Girls style and send everyone else BUT the 'lucky hoars' something special. Just how lucky do you feel? And right or wrong is not the issue here, gals.

So send us your guesses and give me something to do besides eyeball the mailman. He's getting nervous.


**Psssssssssst. Don't forget, sign-ups are over May 31st. Just a few spots left, so get going!!!**

Mean Girls Strike Back

If I get offa my lazy ass and do what I intend to do here to remodel and spiff the place up for Mean Girls Yarn Club, Part Deux: Mean Girls Strike Back, you'll most like see a lot of dust and maybe some changes. In the meantime, let me bring you all up to speed.

The Mean Girls’ Yarn club, Part Deux finds me, KnottyLa flying solo. You see, in true Mean Girl fashion, KnittyKnitterton (Ravelry name provided to protect the not-so-innocent), got us all worked up, excited, and dare I say it…moist over her beautiful yarns and is now taking her ball and bat a going home. What a tease!

So, things will be done slightly differently this next go-round. Four of the installments will be the product of my wicked cauldrons and evil incantations. However, the other 2 shall be merino/Cashmere (because you should always spell Cashmere with a capital “C”) sock yarn from the wicked genius that is ChicksWithSticks (Rav name), aka Sprouty25, aka Ann-Marie MacKay. And no, I’m not going to divulge which installment shall be which yarn, so don’t even bother asking!

As with last year, the entire year will be themed and there will be collectible stitch markers provided by Stacey Sobesiak, aka Purling Dervish (Rav name), which will reflect the Mean Girls they accompany. There will also be noms, most of which will be hand-made. I’m getting rather fond of slipping my poisons into sweet treats for you all. And yes, there will always be amazing extras included. In most cases, the extras come from independent artisans, and are of the highest quality. In fact, one installment this time around will contain an extra so awesome it’ll make your head spin. And no. I’m not going to divulge what installment that will be, so again, don’t even bother to aks.

Sign-ups open on Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 9:30am PDT at Mean Girls Yarn Club blog (which means here, just in case you're wondering). This should give you plenty of time to exercise your clicky finger.

The rules remain pretty much the same as last year so you repeat offenders errr....members should know them by heart. However, I'll repeat them here for the newbies:

The Roolz.

• The cost: $150 for the entire year, payable either in 1 lump sum, or in three $50 installments. This includes priority shipping for domestic members, ground shipping for accented domestic and international members.
• Canadian and Mexican members shall be considered “Accented Domestic Members”.
• First shipment goes out in July, 2010. Shipments will go out every other month for 1 year.
• Membership will be limited to 50 people.
• The colorways are to be club exclusives. It’s all super secret until you get your installment. It will remain super secret for no less than 2 weeks after the shipments are sent. NO SPOILERS ALLOWED!
• There will be a waiting list for those of you too slow on the uptake/with the clicky finger.
• For those members who choose the payment plan, members will make their initial payment when they sign up, and then be billed the final payments in October and again in January for the remaining balance. Please note, these payments are now 3 months apart instead of 4.
• If members choosing the payment plan become delinquent in payment, their membership shall be forfeit if their account becomes 30-days past due, and the remainder of their membership will be offered to the next person on the waiting list.
• If you opt for the payment plan, and find you need to cancel your membership…too bad. Just kidding. Please feel free to notify me privately. I will not bite your head off…well, maybe just a nibble.
• It is the member’s responsibility to notify me if their desired mailing address differs from the one listed in Paypal. It is also the member’s responsibility to notify me in a timely manner if their address changes. If I wanted to I could read your minds, but I prefer to use my evil powers for, well…evil.
• IF for whatever lame reason, you are displeased with your yarn, (and we don’t see why you would be. This is the MGYC, it’s implied that you get what you get and you like it) anyhow… if for some reason you and your colorway aren’t getting along, just follow these simple rules…
  

1. First and foremost…NO WANKING ALLOWED!
2. Email La or Tareshen aka The Evil Adminion, and in 50 words or less inform us of your decision.
3. We’ll put the word out to your fellow members that there’s an unloved, neglected, ABUSED skein of MGYC yarn out there in need of a good home.
4. We’ll put the abandoner/adopter in touch with each other, and you all can iron out all the payment/shipping details to your little black hearts’ content.
5. If, in the unlikely event that no one wants your castoff, you can do with it what you will, but only after 6 months.
6. If all else fails, see rule #1.

So, mark your calendars for May 4, bookmark this webpage, subscribe to this blog, go join the Ravelry Group and get your clicky finger into shape, there's only one week left until sign-ups!

The Year of Mean

Well, gals, our first year is done, and I don't know about you, but I'm feeling rather energized and ready to go out and show this world what being a Mean Girl is all about.

So what now? You know what? I'm rather in the mood to stroll languidly down memory lane reliving the highlights of the past year while waiting on La to get off her duff and start with MGYC Part Deux. And since I'm writing this and you're not, here we go.

June - Aunt Sarah's Pussies

"We are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don't please."

Oh those adorable little kitties. What? Just ask Aunt Sarah. Her poor innocent babies. You believe me right?

With this delivery from House of Awesome, the Mean Girl's Yarn Club got off to a slinky, cunning start.

August - Heartless Tart

"I warn you dear child, if I lose my temper, you lose your head. Understand?"

Egads, the things a Queen must endure! Unruly, impertinent children, and gardeners that are quite incompetent. If one didn't have ways of amusing oneself, life would be most unbearable. Now where is that Rabbit?

The second offering, from Atelier Dizzy Blonde was as sizzling as the month it arrived.

October - Shelfish Bitch

"Come in. Come in, my child. We mustn't lurk in doorways. It's rude. One might question your upbringing."

Unbelievable, the entitlement complex children have these days! One works and slaves for their art and these ungrateful wretches offer a pittance. A pittance!

The third installment, and the halfway mark, was a true work of art from KnittyKnitterton.

December - Aurora's Hoarealis

"Well, quite a glittering assemblage King Stefan. Royalty, nobility, the gentry, and... oh, how quaint - even the rabble."

Boring. That's all they are, plain and simple. Pastels, even. Bah. Excuse me, I have a distaff to go sharpen.

The fourth episode in the series was a stunning concoction, guaranteed to brighten the dreariest winter day, from KnottyLa.

February - Heart in a Box

"When she breaks the tender peel, to taste the apple in my hand, her breath will still, her blood congeal, then I'll be fairest in the land!"

Uppity little chit. And what in the world is this singing with bluebirds crap? Don't make me vomit. Is she really so naive as to think that beauty comes without a price? Newsflash, stepbrat, you're the price this time.

This little Valentine came in two versions, both breathtaking masterpieces, one from Alpha B Yarns (top), one from House of Awesome (bottom).

April - Lucifer's Mistress

"And of course there's the mending and the sewing and the laundry... Oh, yes, and one more thing. See that Lucifer gets his bath."

Bath? Is she even clean enough to give me a bath? I doubt it. I'm probably filthy, what with all the snooping and the spying and the tattling. All that effort to keep her in line. A minion's work is never done. I wonder if she'll floss my teeth after I eat her squeaky little friends?

This, the final chapter in our tale, was especially poignant for me. Such a tribute to minion hood coinciding with my birthday? I was verklempt. Brought to you by Dizzy Blonde Studios, this subtle nod to those that work behind the scenes reminds all of us good little minions how lucky we are to work for only the finest and how fortunate they have been in their search for the perfect muscle.

Now we've reached the end of our tour.

Impressive, huh? I admit, I feel a little empty inside, but I'm sure that my mailman won't mind. Although...his aim from the sidewalk has gotten pretty damn accurate and I do so adore that slight sheen of terror in his eyes when I open the door.

Unfortunately for him, it's not over. Stay tuned to this exclusive venue for information on the Sequel. We promise it won't hurt too awful much.

FIN

Details, Schmetails

So you all want more info on the yarn club, do ya? Well tough! You can just sit there and ponder like the rest of humanity. And when you've guessed wrong, guess what? I don't wanna hear a peep! No running over to the Big 6 on Ravelry and raising a fuss on how disappointed you are because The Mean Girls Yarn Club didn't meet your expectations.

Well, what did you expect? WE'RE MEAN! Duh! You're just gonna have to sit there in your big girl panties and take it, and you're gonna like it, want to know why? Huh, how does it feel to want? Hello...Mean Girls Yarn Club. I think that sums it up.

First, I'll answer questions from the comment section:

1. Michelle:
Q. Who did the house REALLY fall on? Will the club answer that question?
A. Yes. Your mom

2. Blogless Weebil (What's up with that?)
Q. What? No rules about trading/selling/ebaying? Or is it just assumed that your clubmates in MGYC will put a hit out on you if you try to do anything of the sort? Because we will, you know.
A. Let me introduce you to Guido & Luigi. They're here to ensure that yooz guys don't even THINK about it.

The solution is very easy. IF a colorway isn't for you (and we don't see why it wouldn't. This is the MGYC, it's implied that you get what you get and you like it), anyhow... if for some reason you and your colorway aren't getting along, just follow these simple rules...

1. First and foremost...NO WANKING ALLOWED!
2. Email either Bobbie or me, and in 50 words or less inform us of your decision.
   
3. We'll put the word out to your fellow members that there's an unwanted, unloved skein, ABUSED skein of MGYC yarn out there in need of a good home.
4. We'll put the abandoner/adopter in touch with each other, and you all can iron out all the payment/shipping details to your little black hearts' content.
5. If, in the unlikely event that no one wants your castoff, you can do with it what you will, but only after 6 months.
6. If all else fails, see rule #1.
   

3. KittyRiver (another blogless wonder, WTF?)
Q. Any ideas on yarn weight?
A. Yeah, it weighs about as much as a skein of yarn...duh!

Sharky's Yarn Specs:
100% Merino Superwash Sock
440 yards/402 meters; 3 oz./85 g.
6-8 spi on US size 2-4

Knotty's Yarn Specs
100% Merino Superwash Sock
560 yards/512 meters; 4 oz./115 g.
8-10 spi on US size 0-2

The shipments will go out as follows:

June - Sharky
August - Knotty
October - Sharky
December - Knotty
February - Sharky
April - Knotty

And now from the forum boards:

1. Xen
Q. Will you be doing international shipments, and if so, how much would they be?
A. For all you international hoars (besides Canadian hoars, that is), PM, PP, DM or email Bobbie or me immediately. Basically, we're thinking of a number. If there are less of you than that number, there will be no extra shipping. However, if there are more of you than the number, there will be a small additional shipping charge added on to your membership..

Further clarification before you nice Canadians get your panties in a twist. No, we are not excluding you, though, we should on principal...cuz, you know, you're an entire NATION OF NICE. But no, we're making an exception, hoping that you all can tap your inner Mean Girl, and indulge her from time to time. We just don't consider you "international", so yes, Canadians can join, and no, it won't cost you hoars extra. Same goes for anyone living in Mexico.

2. Mehitabel
Q. And are you going to do the signups when I’m out of town and away from my computer??
A. Well, duh. Of course we are! First week of April...or perhaps the second...depending on how lazy and mean I am then. Even thought we should, we're not gonna go all Loopy or Sundara on you. We will give you all ample warning of at least, oh, an hour.

Any other questions? Good! I didn't think so.