The Year of Mean

Well, gals, our first year is done, and I don't know about you, but I'm feeling rather energized and ready to go out and show this world what being a Mean Girl is all about.

So what now? You know what? I'm rather in the mood to stroll languidly down memory lane reliving the highlights of the past year while waiting on La to get off her duff and start with MGYC Part Deux. And since I'm writing this and you're not, here we go.

June - Aunt Sarah's Pussies

"We are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don't please."

Oh those adorable little kitties. What? Just ask Aunt Sarah. Her poor innocent babies. You believe me right?

With this delivery from House of Awesome, the Mean Girl's Yarn Club got off to a slinky, cunning start.

August - Heartless Tart

"I warn you dear child, if I lose my temper, you lose your head. Understand?"

Egads, the things a Queen must endure! Unruly, impertinent children, and gardeners that are quite incompetent. If one didn't have ways of amusing oneself, life would be most unbearable. Now where is that Rabbit?

The second offering, from Atelier Dizzy Blonde was as sizzling as the month it arrived.

October - Shelfish Bitch

"Come in. Come in, my child. We mustn't lurk in doorways. It's rude. One might question your upbringing."

Unbelievable, the entitlement complex children have these days! One works and slaves for their art and these ungrateful wretches offer a pittance. A pittance!

The third installment, and the halfway mark, was a true work of art from KnittyKnitterton.

December - Aurora's Hoarealis

"Well, quite a glittering assemblage King Stefan. Royalty, nobility, the gentry, and... oh, how quaint - even the rabble."

Boring. That's all they are, plain and simple. Pastels, even. Bah. Excuse me, I have a distaff to go sharpen.

The fourth episode in the series was a stunning concoction, guaranteed to brighten the dreariest winter day, from KnottyLa.

February - Heart in a Box

"When she breaks the tender peel, to taste the apple in my hand, her breath will still, her blood congeal, then I'll be fairest in the land!"

Uppity little chit. And what in the world is this singing with bluebirds crap? Don't make me vomit. Is she really so naive as to think that beauty comes without a price? Newsflash, stepbrat, you're the price this time.

This little Valentine came in two versions, both breathtaking masterpieces, one from Alpha B Yarns (top), one from House of Awesome (bottom).

April - Lucifer's Mistress

"And of course there's the mending and the sewing and the laundry... Oh, yes, and one more thing. See that Lucifer gets his bath."

Bath? Is she even clean enough to give me a bath? I doubt it. I'm probably filthy, what with all the snooping and the spying and the tattling. All that effort to keep her in line. A minion's work is never done. I wonder if she'll floss my teeth after I eat her squeaky little friends?

This, the final chapter in our tale, was especially poignant for me. Such a tribute to minion hood coinciding with my birthday? I was verklempt. Brought to you by Dizzy Blonde Studios, this subtle nod to those that work behind the scenes reminds all of us good little minions how lucky we are to work for only the finest and how fortunate they have been in their search for the perfect muscle.

Now we've reached the end of our tour.

Impressive, huh? I admit, I feel a little empty inside, but I'm sure that my mailman won't mind. Although...his aim from the sidewalk has gotten pretty damn accurate and I do so adore that slight sheen of terror in his eyes when I open the door.

Unfortunately for him, it's not over. Stay tuned to this exclusive venue for information on the Sequel. We promise it won't hurt too awful much.

FIN